Another Gay Bar

So here is my very first blog- I'm so fucking excited I could give my dog Zippy, a pearl necklace. OMG that's so gross I haven't done anything sexual with my dog! It was just a joke LOL! I'm famous for my edgy humour, you know.

SO my first blog is going to be about our local gay bar, The Duchess, I go there every weekend and I get out of my box drunk and dance with all the Mums who are in there. There are these drag queens there too who I totally love and they totally love me and they always say how much of a piece of ass I am.

And I am, I think I'm the hottest person I know, but it means you have to be an excellent actor because whenever people see me, they're always like 'Barry you're so hot!', 'Barry, look how much weight you lost!', and 'Barry, you look gaunt.' And I have to act all modest and say 'no, not really, not really, no, I'm just like you' when really inside I'm all like 'Oh my god I AM gorgeous, you're right, thanks for noticing, now get out of my bastard way, already, you troll.' I think I could break Hollywood, but right now I'm focusing on my singing career. As you will all know I've written most of the hits on the radio. Did you notice how Barry Stilton is an almost perfect anagram of Rhiannon, not just a coincidence... And this time I'm going to shine; not like when I was in Destiny's Child and they made me stay at the back. (They've only called me 6 times since last Saturday, begging me to come back, which is an improvement.)

I'm going to be the world's first two dimensional megastar... I just need to lose a dimension and I'll be down to my target weight. Which is also my birth weight.

Remember, even though you'll never reach my dazzling heights of success, you're still special, BS x